[Review by Jess] The Power of Six

Bonus Buku dalam Buku🙂

Yesterday when I checked my goodreads account then update some activity, my eyes hooked at The Power of Six review by Jess one of Goodreads member. She made the review in conversation style. She imagine she interviewed the author, Pittacus Lore, and the heroes of the book. I think this review give some fresh style, and I think the same way with Jess in some part of this book.

*Here is the review,

Please be aware, There are probably spoilers :

Jess: Hello there James Frey, aka Pittacus Lore. Welcome to the show.
James Frey: Thanks for having me. How much money did we agree I’d be getting for this interview?
Jess: A lot.
James Frey: Good, because I adore money.
Jess: I can tell. In the past nine months you’ve released two New York Times Best Selling novels, one e-book/novella, and had a large budget film adaption. You must be stoked. You and Mr. Hughes must be rolling in money
James Frey:Yes, we are.
Jess: Lets introduce your newest novel: The Power of Six, sequel to I Am Number Four. I just finished reading it yesterday afternoon…
James Frey: What did you think?
Jess:Its shit. Total and utter shit. Clearly you wrote this quickly, like, no more than a few months. Its very obvious: this is some of the most poorly written drivel I have ever read-and I’ve read Twilight
James Frey:How dare you! Give me three good examples.
Jess: The dialogue is the most awkward thing ever. There are hardly any descriptions. You did a crap job at building suspense and foreshadowing. At some stages you threw in lengthy words that didnt fit, to show us how smart you are. I could go on; and will, when I talk with my next guest.
James Frey: But its an exciting plot, yes? I mean, a thrilling read.
Jess:the writing was too distracting, but I suppose the plot is the only thing this book has going for it. I suppose thats why its got so many good reviews.
James Frey: …And why I get so much MONEY!
Jess: Money, thats all you’re about, isnt it? Rushing the release of this book, a movie adaption, a novella. I swear, you’ve just published your first draft. Like I said, no foreshadowing or anything. Oh yeah, and you know the most annoying thing? When you decided to introduce Ella as Number Ten. You cant do that! Bitch, thats cheating!. Everyone knows there are nine Garde, then all of a sudden BAM! Number Ten! No pre-warning, no solid explanation.
James Frey: Thats a good twist.
Jess: No, a good twist is Snape being a good guy. A good twist is Christopher discovering his mother is alive. These things had foreshadowing: it didnt stick out at the time, but we noticed them later. Having a ‘Number Ten’ is not a fucking twist, its cheating, and for that I hate you.
James Frey: Whatever gurl, The Chicago Tribune said: ‘There’s genuine suspense’.
Jess: No. You’re shit writing made any suspense thinner than Nicole Richie. For example, when Marina heard that Miranda Marquez, a girl who she looks exactly alike, was found strangled. This was supposed to make us scared of Mogodorians coming. Trying to build suspense. Yeah, it might have worked if you had said they looked alike before the line after her death. There are many more examples, but quite frankly, I hate talking to you.
James Frey: Cool, that interview will cost you $2,500,000. Now Im going home to start and finish the next book in the series before bed time.
Jess:*sigh*. Well, Im not going to be a sucker and give you any more of my money. Im not buying any more Lorien Legacies books. Had I been American, I would’nt have even brought this one. The US cover is the fugliest thing I have ever seen! We’ll be back after this short ad break with John Smith himself. Stay tuned!

***

Jess: Hello, welcome back to the show. Now I have with me the star of the show, John Smith, also known as Number Four!
John Smith: Hey there
Jess: Im not going to lie, I kind of had the hots for you in book one. You were awesome in every way. Now you suck.
John Smith: Sorry?
Jess: I hate you. Mainly your decision making. I mean, did you honestly think it was a good idea to catch up with Sarah? You couldnt see that ending badly at all-heavy sarcasm.
John Smith: Thats one poor decision.
Jess: Or dragging Sam Goode along on your adventure. That boy is the biggest waste of space I have ever read about-more later. Or how about that time you ran straight into the blue Mogodorian forcefield, knowing full well it would knock you out and made you feel sick. That totally reminded me of the time Patrick Dangerfield concussed himself by running straight into the goal post against the Western Bulldogs. Oh, and another terrible decision was when you and Six saved that innocent woman from her drunken husband, with the whole ‘no innocent people should be hurt’ vibe going on. Then you throw the Mogodorian tracking devise on the back of an innocent mans truck and laugh about it. Contradicting much?
John Smith: I wasnt thinking clearly…
Jess:Oh, and at one stage you say: “I feel sad”. Really, thats the best you could come up with?
John Smith: I tell it as it is.
Jess: Anywho, lets get to the juicy stuff that all our viewers want to know. How does it feel being the FBI’s Most Wanted?
John Smith: Pretty cool
Jess: Lets get the story straight. A small school, in a tiny town, in Ohio is found wrecked in the morning. There is ash everywhere and entire buildings are ruined. What does this sound like, to normal human beings?
John Smith: A fire?
Jess:Yes, so why does everyone instantly presume its a terrorist attack. What sort of badass terrorists target a high school in a tiny town which 99% of people wouldn’t have heard of?
John Smith: Are you saying my life in the past few weeks is…Im on the run for nothing?
Jess: Im saying you’re on the run for the most stupid reason! No sane human being instantly concludes what would look like a fire is a terrorist attack! The school down the road from me burnt down last year, true story. All that was left was rubble and ash. Does this mean that police should instantly assume crazy terrorists are at work in Adelaide.
John Smith: I…
Jess: No, let me continue: Then when they finally do catch you, Top of the FBI’s Most Wanted List (for attacking a school), they put you in a cell which has bars, not a solid wall, and guarded by one, single guard. Then the guard immerses you in conversation.
John Smith: I started talking to him, actually.
Jess: And he responded, conversation! When they had Osama Bin Laden, I dont think he was guarded by a single security officer, who responded to Osama’s conversation starters. That whole episode was so unrealistic!
John Smith: Its a work of fiction, its allowed to be unrealistic
Jess: Actually no, JK Rowling made her world of magic seem real. Its possible to make fiction realistic. Also, on a totally unrelated note, what the fuck is up with your love triangle?
Audience: Jess has only said that word once on goodreads.com before, she must be mad!
Jess Love triangles are so unnecessary. Why does every YA novel need to have them. Plus, yours with Sarah & Six was forced. There was no need for it, and you shared no chemistry with either. It was literally: “I like Six, but I have to love Sarah. Therefore, my life is to hard and I should go complain and bore everyone with my forced romance.” John, and James Frey if you’re listening, you are PATHETIC! Get a proper sub-plot and dont come back until you do.

***

Jess: Now that my interview with John Smith is over, please welcome Unnamed Evil Mogodorian Alien #56
Unnamed Evil Mogodorian Alien #56: Hello.
Jess: Thanks for coming, and thanks for not killing me. Firstly, I love your matrix style trench coat.
Unnamed Evil Mogodorian Alien #56: Cheers.
Jess: Secondly, whats the deal dude? Why are you lot the worst antagonists of all time?
Unnamed Evil Mogodorian Alien #56: Thats a bit harsh.
Jess: Its true. There were thousands of you, and you cant kill two Lorics and a human boy. maybe the Lorics are acceptable, but Sam!? he researched his fighting from the internet in the first chapters. You’re badass aliens, why cant you kill him?
Unnamed Evil Mogodorian Alien #56: No comment.
Jess:Also, why did you strangle Miranda Marquez, the chick who looks like Number 7? Are turning peeps to ash with mega guns and shit not cool any more?
Unnamed Evil Mogodorian Alien #56: No comment.
Jess: Seriously dude, early on when you lit fire to the house Sam was in, I was so happy. I was ready to convert to your side, I seriously thought you’d just killed Sam, but then he slipped through your fingers. Now that you’ve got him captive, please torture the shit out of him.
Unnamed Evil Mogodorian Alien #56: Hopefully, but James Frey is terrible at creating us, hes in charge of our actions. That means Sam will probably escape our evil alien base of evilness.
Jess: Im feeling for ya. Hey, Ive got Sam from his cage via skype next, but he is a bigger waste of space than the extra three ‘Mortal Instruments’ books, and I really dont want to talk to that guy.
Unnamed Evil Mogodorian Alien #56: Why so?
Jess: He’s just dumb. I mean, when he and John had an hour of invisibility to sneak into your base, he set his alarm watch for 60 minutes, so it went off as soon as he was visible again. Why not set it for fifty minutes, so when it vibrates they know to get out of there quickly! Also, when he needed to go back to Paradise to check the sun dial, he forced Six and Four to go back with him. This resulted in them getting caught. Why on earth would he have not just called Sarah’s mobile, and ask her to check out the necessary stuff. She could have told him her findings, and they’re all safe!
Unnamed Evil Mogodorian Alien #56: I’m hearing you! I dont associate with such fools either.
Jess:Thank you! Say, want to catch up for a coffee after the show?
Unnamed Evil Mogodorian Alien #56: Sure. And I’ll show you where I get my trench coats!
Jess:Cool beans! Lets go right now. I’m sure I’ll look swanky in one of those trench coats
Unnamed Evil Mogodorian Alien #56: You’ll look spiffy as hell.
Jess:Outstanding. Well, thats the show for tonight, thanks for your company. I’m Jessica, and I’ll see you next week!

And cut.

How ?? Interesting right ?? with her talking style *blak-blak-an, dan apa adanya*.

Well, I’m still in progress reading this book, so far I’m on page 414 of more than 500 page. Maybe I will post my review version of this book later…🙂

———

credit : as tag, review by Jess at Goodreads.com.
Picture taken by myself 

2 thoughts on “[Review by Jess] The Power of Six

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